TOP FIVE WORST VIDEO GAME CHARACTER NAMES I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

TOP FIVE WORST VIDEO GAME CHARACTER NAMES I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

As I sit in the hospital with my son, my brain goes to some weird places. I decided one day to try to think of the best and worst video game character names. These lists came directly from my brain with no internet help. I am sure there are great names I missed. Don't care. These are the ones I thought of. Here goes:

Top Five Worst Video Game Character Names, in reverse order:



5.  Ansem

I am sure that there is some BS Kingdom Heartsy way to excuse this name but I don't know. That series is plagued with some bad name decisions but Ansem?  That is a terrible villain name. It is so blah and generic while simultaneously evoking no emotion.  Ansem is a shopkeeper at best, maybe a blacksmith, but Lord of the Darkness?  Also, if he says "Darkness" one more time, I'm going to punch Billy Zane right in the mouth. Billy Zane does his voice, btw. I'm not lashing out at Zane. Who can be mad at that beautiful face?



4. Stryker

Ahh...the MK3 counterpoint to Sonja Blade. He's a cop. His name is Stryker.  He wears a backwards cap. That's about it. Not only had this name been overused in comic books and movies as a "clever" way to make a violent name, (get it? Stryker? He strikes people? When do I get paid?) but this guy so lacks character that it is distracting. Sektor the robot has more character and he literally does and says nothing. On top of that, he looks like he is just an off duty cop who somehow wandered into Mortal Kombat. "Oh, what is this, a tournament to save Earth Realm that I just stumbled upon?  Welp, as long as I get to punch something..."  Stryker sucks.



3.  Dandelion

 The Witcher is normally on point with names but this one is real bad. Cringey bad. I get it, he's a bard, a minstrel, a purveyor of theatre and song. He needs an artsy name and a persona. I love his voice acting and his story involvement. He is a great character, but that name is just god awful. Dandelion is a cumbersome word to begin with. It doesn't work as a name. Combine that with the fact that the name does not match his personality at all. An unfortunate choice for an essential character.



2. Waluigi

First things first, I LOVE the character of Waluigi. He is goofy and awesome. But that name...ugh, it's fuck awful. Wario makes sense. Evil Mario is Wario. All you have to do is flip the M upside down for Christ's sake. Waluigi is trying to force that concept.  "Wa" does not make anything evil or bad. The only reason it worked with Mario is because his name started with a letter you can flip. You want evil Luigi names? Viluigi, Eviluigi, Luagi, Luigini, etc. Come pay me, Nintendo. I can help you.



1.  Gladiolus

 Where to start?...I really liked Final Fantasy XV but the names in this game were some of the worst in recent memory. It was hard not to make 4 out of the 5 names on this list the four main characters from the game because the names are so bad. In the attempt to recognize other terrible names, I chose only this one.

Definition: Gladiolus - Gladiolus is a genus of perennial cormous flowering plants in the iris family. It is sometimes called the 'sword lily', but is usually called by its generic name. The genus occurs in Asia, Mediterranean Europe, South Africa, and tropical Africa.

Final Fantasy XV Definition: Gladiolus - super ripped, open shirt wearing uber-bro who spends his time gushing over Ramen noodles and styling his hair.

The meaning and name have no correlation. Gladiolus is a mostly uninteresting jock whose sole purpose is to drive his sword deep into the skulls of his enemies. They try to abbreviate it by calling him "Gladio" but it always seems too wordy. This name is so bad that it makes me sad because I truly liked watching the bromance develop between these four dweebs. Hearing his name almost always took me out of the experience.

 


Honorable mentions: Noob Saibot, Reaper

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TOP 5 BEST VIDEO GAME CHARACTER NAMES I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

TOP 5 BEST VIDEO GAME CHARACTER NAMES I CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD